It won't make sense

This is coming out all wrong. How do I expect to write about other people when I can't even put my own thoughts on the stupid screen.

I'm going to live my whole life trying to find what it is that makes me happy and end up being miserable the whole way through.

I don't recognize this person I've become. A person who questions everything, who is scared to go out on a limb, who doesn't believe in the ability she used to think was her talent. A person who dreams the dreams of someone else because hers are dying.

I miss Jesus. I miss the peace He provides. I miss church and the fellowship it provides. I've let myself travel along a path without the constant direction from God and now I'm so lost I can't find my way back.

Is this a part of His plan? The hopelessness, the despair, the failure?