Top Ten and a random note at the end

Apparently people love lists. I hope you, my people, love them too because below is a list of the coolest stuff I've found on the interwebs. Some old, some new, some borrowed stolen, and some blue (I typed that before I actually found something blue, so I'm on the lookout). Enjoy! And comment!!

10. I've got a sweet tooth. Not really but Daily Candy is sweet! Bonus, you can sign up for the daily newsletter for your city so you don't even have to go to the site, they email you the latest stuff. I'm subscribed to NY and LA along with Dallas just cuz I like to think I'm a little bit of all three.
Image from http://www.dailycandy.com/everywhere/fashion/

9. Etsy...remember when I said something old? In this fast-paced-super-charged life, Etsy.com, the super cool homemade goodies site is now old news. But hello! Take a look at this crafty little neck warmer. Love it, all the warmth of a scarf, without the bulk. Here's the creator's credit.


8. Say what you will about Obama. I'm not going there, just saying that this is pretty cool. Bout time the hire-ups got a clue about how to reach people and about how to hear people. CNN talks about it too.

7. I love, love, love cakewrecks! It makes me laugh and/or cringe every time I visit it. E--you think we should have gone with something like this for B's baby shower??

6. Another oldie, Pixar's "For the Birds," I had to find it just because it's sooo funny (and somewhat the color blue) and I nearly pee my pants every time I see it. Prepare to be dazzled, amused and rolling on the floor in fits of laughter.


5. Dooce.com...Ok, I added it to my Google reader a while ago and I love it! She's funny, dresses her cute pups up in crazy costumes and takes amazing photos. The site is witty and at times even controversial, but always avant-garde. Not to mention, she has a mini-Australian Shepard named Coco...I want one!

In celebration of That Awful Dog from dooce on Vimeo.

4. Last Friday, we here at the Observer were convinced there was a kitten, puppy, rat, bat, or bird trapped in between a couple of cubicles or in the ceiling. Maintenance was on the scene. As were a couple others tearing the ceiling apart in search of the trapped creature. Meet the creature. Turns out intermittent little whimpers and yelps coming through computer speakers cause chaos.

3. Umm, MTV plays music videos online! So exciting. I've never been one to sit in front of the teevee and watch hours on end of music videos, but there is an occasional moment when I really need to see Justin Timberlake shaking his booty. And let me just say, I was lacking some faith in comeback Britney...until now:

Britney Spears |MTV Music

2.I went boot shopping courtesy of Victoria's Secret online. Both by Jessica Simpson. Happiness.


1. And now, the coolest thing I've seen online today, which actually sparked this entire post: the iBangle! Holy cow, this is super. A bracelet that plays music and is hopefully going to be made by Apple, so you know I love it. The wireless ear buds make it even more awesome. The only thing cooler...the iPhoBang--you know, a bracelet that's a phone.
Photo from yankodesign.com

On a side note, this past weekend I was in the lovely state of Oklahoma for Peanut's show and seemed to have had too many Vodka-Red-Bulls. After some risky lap dance behavior for my female friend, K, I seemed to have broke a hip. This makes me realize: A) I'm extremely lacking in the flexibility department; B) leave the lap dances to the professionals.

I love necking

Image by Nikki Loehr. Scared much? I always wondered what I'd look like with fangs! Pretty cool huh?

OCD agony

This morning, I woke up at about 10:15 and wanted to leave the house by 10:30. You can imagine the amount of hurrying taking place. Luckily I just washed my hair yesterday so my shower took no time. Finding an outfit proved difficult, but I managed. Finally out the door at 10:50, only twenty minutes behind schedule.

Get to work, gotta pee. Crap, my panties are on inside out. Yup.

So annoying, I'm one of those people who have to have the seam of socks placed perfectly over the correct spot on my toes or it urks me to no end. Thus the inside out panties are very unfortunate. And, taking off my boots, and jeans while balancing on one toe in the stall of the ladies restroom is much more than I can take at this point. So I'm stuck.

If your stressed today, at least you don't have this to worry about too. Unless you're worried about me and my sanity--in that case, thanks, but I'll live.

I'm a dreamer

Do you ever just feel like not being funny? That's how I feel today. I wanted to write a funny post because well, I'd like to keep my blog sort of light and fluffy. But nothing funny is happening--at all.

So lets talk about dream chasers. That's what peanut and I are, dreamers. (Please feel free to pick up a glass of wine and listen to "Imagine" while reading)

He dreams of rock star status to the point it consumes him. His passion for his dream is awe inspiring and is unfeathered by obstacles. He has picked up his life and moved it a couple hundred miles south in pursuit of a dream. No one knows if he will succeed, but he does. He doesn't have a choice, there is no plan B.

I interviewed a few models not long ago and while most of the interview was umm...lacking brain cells. One of the models said something very wise. He said (not quoting, but this was the gist), if you give yourself an out, you will take it. Granted he was talking to another model who was working on a PR degree and that was her plan B, but whatever. Think about it, if you give yourself an out, you will take it. How true is that really? Peanut doesn't have a way out, so he doesn't have an option--he has to make it.

What about me? I dream of being a writer, a big time one. I dream of making people feel something (anger, happiness, hope, sadness) anything using words, my words. But, I have a plan B. It's called school and it's what this generation does when it doesn't know what else to do. As long as I stay in school, it's okay that I'm a waitress/bartender. I am set to graduate with my master's after the summer and my thought process is that if I don't have a job, I could just go on to get my doctorate. So then, after that, I will be 30-years-old and still not have a career.

But no. No more school. Time to join the world, well after the summer anyway. Hopefully, I won't get stepped on if I fall. And if I do, maybe they won't be wearing heels.

Myspace bye-space

I deleted my Myspace this past weekend. It was really a pivotal point in my life. I had nearly 10,000 page views and 252 friends...and now they are gone.

I'm not gonna lie, I kinda miss it. Today I'm sad.

Umm...am I chemically imbalanced?

I could tell you more about my stressful semester but I feel I have shared this enough by now. However, let me just tell you that my motivated former self (you know the college girl who could juggle everything with a smile) is gone and in her place is a mid-twenties lady who just wants to hole up on the couch and watch Gossip Girl. It's really a good thing S & B only appear on the boob tube once a week.

What I should be doing right now:

Researching and writing a critic pick

Researching a feature story

Writing a story I've been working on for almost a year, that's still not done

Writing a business profile

Developing a research project for which the proposal is due in less than a week (I do think Gossip Girl will come in handy here though!)

Reading the countless books that are in my "books to read" pile

Figuring out how my bills will get paid.

What I am doing:

Writing this silly blog post

Checking my facebook & myspace

About to go to a staff meeting...UPDATE: staff meeting over--two hours later

Yesterday, I spent approximately 4 hours watching recorded episodes of Heroes, GG, and Greek...why do I do this to myself?

Checking my bank account, which is seriously sad

Absolutely nothing

Finally watching this hilarious clip

Why is it that when I get stressed out nowadays I can't seem to get motivated to do something to dig me out of my stress. This is not normal. Maybe I should make a to-do list...oh wait, I guess I just did that.

What do you do when you are stressed? How do you keep yourself motivated?

I should tell you, I'm cursed

Peanut (my rock star boyfriend) will be moving in with me, temporarily, at the beginning of October. He is moving down here to the fair state of Tejas but won't be moving in with the band until J...well who really knows when.

But, there is a curse on me in October.

It all began Halloween of 2000 (this would be my senior year in H.S.). I was pulling out from a driveway, where I was dropping off a get well card--sheesh, and there was a Jeep headed my way but a tree somewhat obstructing my view. None-the-less I pulled out and the Jeep had to swerve to keep from hitting me. You should also know this Jeep was speeding, no roof--just roll bars, and raised a foot above normal. So the guy inevitably flipped. No one was injured but I've been cursed ever since.

Something life-changing-ly bad happens every year in October. I will spare you the details that range from boyfriend breakups to V-card mishaps to some more serious happenings.

I will admit, last October I think the curse may have been broken as it would appear nothing horribly awful occurred.

Throw salt over your shoulder, cross your fingers, spit out the window, knock on wood!

But, I'm really not superstitious :)

Just say a prayer!

know-it-nothing

This blog is...incredible. Particularly this post and this one.

Inspired by the twenty-something blog, I've compiled my own list.

What I know (which isn't much):

Lovely Friends: As you get older and your friends no longer live down the hall (in my case) you have to make more of an effort. This means you can't go months and months without talking because no one has time for a 10 hour conversation to catch up on everything you've missed in each others lives. Call daily...or at least weekly, they're worth it and you need them. Those gal pals that saw you through all the travesties of college life will be your safety net in the real world too.

Wretched Boys: A couple years ago I had this idea (an idea, I got from a trusted friend) that any guy who had the courage to ask me out deserved at least one date. True & False. This is fun until you ultimately end up with a boyfriend and have to think back and say, "frick, I dated 17 guys in a matter of months." Proceed with caution.

Life Lessons: This one could go with lovely friends. I have learned that if you're a good listener and observer you can learn a lot from your friends life experiences. What did they do when their bf cheated on them? Did it work? How did they cope when they lost a job/had a baby/got caught in a lie/got a credit card? Life is about learning from previous life experiences, but no one ever said they had to be your own.

Big Girl Jobs: I grew up thinking my perfect career path would be nothing but happiness, which is why I'm 25 and still not completely sure what the crap I'm doing. Lies, all lies. The truth is you aren't going to be completely content every hour of every day with any career. But, if you find one you love and one that challenges you then when you succeed all the bad days will disappear. And I don't mean "Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life." That's some bs too, you'll still work.

Mom and Dad: Love them...always. Don't be afraid to ask for help...secretly, they like it.

Faith: Never doubt what you know. I know God is love and I know He is always my saving grace.

shameless promotion

I seriously debated posting this. I'm not quite sure why I've been reluctant, except that maybe it's a little narcissistic to post a link to your own story...on your own blog. Anyway, I've relented to my self-loving desire because--quite frankly--I'm proud.

Those that know me, know this battle I have with my writing goes way back. You know that I've tried pretty much every career path I could in order to not be a writer. I don't know how I knew--but I knew--that should I ever become a writer, it would be a path of misery with few bouts of sunshine.

This piece is the first sun ray in my "professional" writing career. I do hope it's not the last.

intern-woo hoo!

i have a new job--well okay, i'm actually paying (tuition) to work there--but none-the-less today was my first day interning at the dallas observer! i spent the first hour of the morning getting acquainted with the building and the office. then robert (the blog editor) came in and told me i needed to spend the next few hours getting myself familiar with the dallas budget problems because at 3:45 i would be attending a briefing with the city manager where she will be disclosing the next years proposed budget.

i know what you're thinking, snore. however, surprisingly it was pretty fun. after rushing to get to city hall at 3:30 (because i had read somewhere in my research that the briefing started then) i ended up on the 4th floor & in the wrong meeting. turns out the directors meeting was at 3:30 and my presence there was not allowed. so, a lady kindly informed me that the media briefing would be in 15 min on the 5th floor.

so i tailed it up there and sat amongst the suits and microphones. after the briefing i headed back to the office to hand over my info. the story is here. robert actually wrote it because of the need to get it up in a hurry, but he did say he liked the quote i got :)

all in all, a good day!

scott & phil

7.15.2008

Clouds of smoke billow in the air illuminated by the strategically placed neon lights around the room of Dallas’ West End Pub. The jukebox drowns out the sounds of the mostly male patrons telling the tales of their life while sipping on brew. Sitting at the [insert fancy type of wood here] bar a man comes up and asks the pony-tailed, bearded bartender for change from a twenty. The man is tall with hair and eyebrows that would blend into his pale skin if it weren’t sun burned. His words are hardly recognizable through his thick accent. I’m fairly certain the only way the bartender knew what he was asking was because the man was handing him a twenty-dollar bill and the words “change” and “one-dollar” came from the man’s mouth.

What they came to see were cowboys in 10-gallon hats roaming the streets, what they saw were empty streets with the occasional rude passer-by. “They” are 34-year-old Scott Anderson, a slim guy with a shaved head and tattoos from London and 28-year-old Phil Corney of New Zealand. Phil made some sort of comment about life not being fair at the mention of his last name. Both are traveling through America by means of Greyhound or as they would say, “America’s shame.” They have known each other eight days and met in Memphis at a bar where they noticed each other’s accents and their common Dallas destination.

“What made you come to Dallas?” I asked.

“Good question, bloody good question,” replied Phil.

They have both visited many cities in America and have developed some particularly strong opinions, especially of Dallas.

“With the exception of probably Dallas, everyone is really friendly.” Phil said.

“Really?” I asked, somewhat taken back.

“Yeah, Dallas people are rude.”

There was a lady on the bus that could not control her giggling, she would ask them to say something and then giggle at their response. They also mention that the few people on the street seem to have no interest in helping them with directions. To add to their distaste, Scott can’t figure out where all the 3 million people that supposedly live here actually are.

“Look, [he points outside] there’s no one on the streets there. There’s 3 million people in this city, where are they? They’re nowhere…I think it’s very odd, I think it’s very weird city.”

Scott and Phil haven’t been entirely disappointed, both were quite impressed with Fort Worth, I’m assuming because there very well may have been some real cowboys roaming around. The JFK museum was also a highlight of their stay, but for the most part these two traveling nomads were done with Dallas. Scott and Phil ended up at West End Pub, quite literally by accident.

“We’re lost, so we can find anything we’re not looking for,” Phil said.

I spent a good portion of our conversation trying to relay some places I thought they might be interested in, but it seems I may have been too late as this is there last night here. Scott is off to Vegas and Phil is heading to Mexico.

“I only wish we had met you sooner.”

Me too, Phil, me too. I can’t help but feeling sorrowful that these two foreigners are leaving thinking of Dallas as a city of rude people with nothing to do. Well, I guess they will always have their memories of “The World’s Largest Hooters.”

the beast

The scream of the brakes is deafening as the semi comes to the crossroads. For a brief moment there is silence, until the engine revs and the gears switch on the semi struggling to regain speed, and again the silence, grinding of gears, and the straining crescendo of the engine.

Conversations are halted as the menacing noises pass in front of us.  We sit in the iron rocking chairs on the large, patio-like porch of our hotel that overlooks the public library and the lone cafe.  Our view and much anticipated phone calls are entirely disrupted.  With a look of disgust our faces turn and watch the disturbance disappear in the distance.

I know the man perched high in the cab of that black beast.  He is my father and his father before. The screaming of the brakes means the 7-year-old me can run out the front door and await his emergence from that high perch on which he spends most of his days.  I await the gush of wind that escapes as he puts the beast still. This sound triggers my feet to run to the driver's side door where my head barely reaches the top of the steps.  My eyes point up and finally the door swings open and a man covered in dirt carefully limps out of the truck.  His brown hair is disheveled and his eyes are glazed from the road.  He looks down at me and a wide smile stretches across his hard face displaying the gap between his two front teeth.  I smile too and my eyes dance at the sight of him.

"Hi Daddy!"

He gives a hearty chuckle and wraps me in a bear hug.  His large belly serves as a pillow for my head and he says, "hi tooty-bug."  Then he kisses my forehead and starts limping across the yard as I walk closely beside. Whenever I see daddy walk I am reminded how much it must have hurt to have that fork-lift come down on him and sever the ball of his left foot from the heel. 

"Daddy, when do you have to go back?"

"Oh, tomorrow, tooty-bug."

And when the time comes, I will stand and wave from the porch as the smoke bellows out of the horns of that black beast taking my father, and his father before, away. He will turn his head and look at me through the window and wave.  I will put my arm out in the shape of an "L" with my hand in a fist and frantically and repeatedly pull my fist up and down.  Daddy will oblige and over the roar of the engine's increasing speed I will delight in the song that the beast sings. I will watch and listen until the beast becomes a bug.

i am currently in a remote town in west texas with my literary non-fiction class.  this town is so remote that not even the atomic clock works here as all of our cell phones will display that it is for instance, 4 o'clock in the afternoon when we've only just woken up.  it is such a treat to come to such a remote and iconic part of the southwest.  this is the birthplace of larry mcmurtry (author of lonesome dove among some 30+ other novels).  our class is staying at the historic spur hotel where parts of "the last picture show" was filmed.  anyhow, we are given various writing assignments and above is my interpretation of one.  i hope you've enjoyed it.  i felt i should explain as i may be posting more of them in the near future as a writer's greatest joy is having their work read.

my mentor is a fictional character

as i mentioned in my previous post, i have had to write a bio and here is the finished (well right now anyway) product:

I walked through the bright red door of my future when I was 16 and a junior in high school. That red door was the entrance to a white-walled classroom bustling with sounds from noisy teenagers, the electronic hum of a number of old-school Macintosh computers, and the twangy sounds of the local country station on the radio. We sat on table tops as opposed to chairs and were given free reign of the town during that glorious hour before lunch. We were the staff of the Demon Pitchfork, a 16 page, award-winning paper with full color front and back pages that we produced twice a month. There was reporting to be done, ads to sell, stories to write, and coke breaks to be had. Mind you, that would be the kind of coke you drink.

In my first year on staff I was a lowly staff writer and along with everyone, a copy editor. But, in my second year, my best friend and I were chosen to be the Opinion page editors. Oh, the joy! We could layout the page and write our very own column in every issue. It was groundbreaking stuff. One column in particular was about prom and how we knew everyone would remember it because police officers equipped with breathalyzers would be manning the doors.

That year the classroom walls began to take on new life as we began covering them with the front pages of the Demon Pitchfork, thus leaving our legacy. In my senior year, my friend and I must have won upwards of a dozen of those monthly awards for page layout and opinion column writing. But my greatest achievement that year, rivaling actually graduating, was my student Marshal-Gregory award in Single News Reporting for a story I wrote about the local grade schools with a whopping 13 sources. While the newspaper was fun it was time to be serious and something that fun I could not consider to be serious.

So, I moved on and I got a little lost in my first year of college. It took HBO’s series Sex and the City and it’s star character, Carrie Bradshaw to get me back on the right road. The summer after my freshman year, a college friend was instrumental in my addiction to the show. We would sit in her Mary Engelbreit decorated apartment in silence for those fabulous thirty minutes on Sunday nights. There were no phone calls and no interruptions and during that half hour our lives were intertwined with the lives of Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha. When the credits rolled we’d make our way outside and light up a Marlboro light only to rehash the entire episode. We’d discuss the witty commentary, the fashion, the drama…everything. I had to know everything I could about this show and this writer, so I rented every single season. In between episodes I’d step outside to smoke and think. I began to dream of strutting into Vogue wearing four inch heels and a pencil skirt walking straight to my editor’s office to discuss my latest story. I am sad to say but Carrie Bradshaw was the first writer I had seen making writing fun, fashionable, and witty. I mean, I could see myself in her, she was addicted to shoes and so was I! I’m pretty sure this is when I began drinking Cosmopolitan’s as well. By the end of the summer, I had made up my mind and a change of major was in order.

That first semester as a Mass Communication major was a rocky one and after my first writing class I emerged with a bruised ego and a C. Even still, New York City and those glossy magazines were where I was headed and Carrie Bradshaw was there to inspire whenever I felt otherwise. I can recall one moment of weakness after a poor grade on a paper where I actually considered putting up my pen. Er…computer? I was standing in the office of one of the most frustrating professors I have ever known and close to tears. He gave me the normal speech about why teachers were hard on students, but he concluded by commenting about how driven and determined I was. I knew I was driven, but he noticed too.

I’ve driven down many roads since then. I was in Corporate America for a couple of years. There I learned that no matter how crazy the task may seem you still have to figure out how to do it, and probably within an hour. I had a stint in a Speech Pathology master’s program where I discovered that conducting a speech therapy session makes me physically ill. Ultimately, I have come back to journalism, my greatest love and my greatest fear. I’m a grad student at UNT this time, where I’ve learned that everything I ever thought I knew about writing is, well, crap.

So, here I am, young, headstrong, driven and ready to write. Thanks Carrie.

in an time when everyone is a writer...

... is there any room for writers anymore?  i was reading some blogs tonight, friends (here and here), people i don't even know (here) and they tell their own stories so beautifully, i wonder if a professional writer could even do it justice?

this worries me as writing is what i have spent the last 8 years of my life trying to do and the past year of my life really trying to do.  am i entering a dying field?  well sure there's always news reporting, but who really wants to do that?  it's the people and their intrinsic and beautiful stories that i want to tell.

but i can't even tell my own!  i've been presented with the opportunity to possibly have an unpaid internship with the dallas observer (which i love, btw).  freak out now.  what a dream, to work (for free) for such a cutting edge publication by village voice media!  and now, i have to write a bio...about me.  panic.  i like to write and read about other people, they are much more interesting then myself.  

what the hell has happened in my life that is worthy of sharing or for that matter has led me to a career in writing.  i'll tell you-- nothing.  i don't know how i arrived here.  actually i do, it was hbo's sex and the city.  but, can i seriously write a bio about myself using carrie bradshaw in sex and the city as my inspiration?!

i'm taking a class right now and the first assignment was to write about a writing mentor.  well sadly, i don't have one of those, unless of course you think a fictional character would do.  so, what could i do but write about my high school youth minister?  and i did.  

can i succeed without inspiration, direction or a mentor?  freak out again... here's to hoping they all come along soon!

i'm in love...

with these boots! (and with peanut, of course!) okay, so i've been trying to find a pair of cowboy boots, well, forever really but especially since i've moved to texas :) the problem is i have freakishly large calf muscles and particularly small feet! but these boots, oh these boots... according to their measurements & mine, i'm pretty sure they would fit! one more problem, my lack of money is seriously depressing and even though they are on sale from $384 to $220; sadly, i still can't afford them. hmpf, my heart hurts. did i mention, my size (6.5) is the only one they have left and only two pairs at that!

long time gone

so, i've been working a crazy amount of hours because i will be taking the whole month of july off for a class.  consequently, i haven't updated in quite a while...but, i've been tagged again :)

the rules are to answer the questions below and then tag 6 more peeps...

1.  what did you do 10 years ago?

ten years ago was the summer after my freshman year of high school.  i was fourteen and not much was happening for me; i was wishing my sixteenth birthday would hurry up.  i was hanging out with my friends, going on church mission trips, and trying to figure out how to get my latest crush to notice me.

2.  5 items on your to do list for today?

today is over but tomorrow i plan to:

1. laundry

2. time myself riding my bike to chili's

3. watch 'so you think you can dance'

4. maybe do some blogging

5. get & mail father's day card

3.  snacks i enjoy

hmm, i'm not much of a snacker, i really prefer meals...but i do like reese's peanut butter cups, chips & salsa, cheese & crackers, and grapes.  

4.  what would you do if you were a billionaire?

pay off my bills.  build a house.  buy a pent house in nyc. quit my job.  build my parents a house and retire them.  help matt with his music career.  give erin money for ivf.  donate to the church i grew up in.  donate to my former youth minister's new "biker" church.  invest.  buy some cars. hire the best damn lawyer i could find and sue the state for keeping my brother in prison too long.  buy more shoes than i could wear in a lifetime.  i'm sure there's a lot more...

5.  places you would live?

nyc, austin, tx, ireland, dallas, california

if you read this, i tag YOU!

tag, i'm it!

at beka's request below are 7 things you may or may not already know about me! enjoy :)

1.  unlike beka or erin i don't like even numbers, well actually i only like multiple's of 5 so they can be even as long as they are divisible by 5.  and if something (i.e. volume) must be on something not a multiple of 5 then i like it on the odd number in between.  example the volume could be on 23 because that is the odd number between 20 and 25.  so, beka, for me gracie's birthday is perfect :) this has developed in college, and now that i think about it, i may have erin and beka to blame for my weirdness!

2.  i'm addicted to crime shows.  law and order, without a trace, csi, love them all.  for fact tonight amber and i went to workout and i left the tv on so when i got back i could rewind and watch the two law and order episodes! i've also been known to stay up till 3am watching without a trace.  i just can't stop, it's really quite pathetic.

3.  i love dots.  the candy, i don't know why but i just love those little things.  they are just the right amount of sweet.  not too sweet, just right.

4.  i suck on my tongue when i sleep.  actually, i'm doing it right now, so i guess i do it when i'm relaxed.  i fold it in half in my mouth and just kinda suck on it.  i've done it since i was a baby and i'm not sure exactly how to stop because mostly i do it in my sleep!

5.  i carried a baby blanket until i was 21.  this one's a little embarrassing!  my friends used to like to steal it and hide it and i would get so upset i'd be near tears before they'd give it back. weird, i know...i think i have detachment issues.  actually, i still miss that blanket sometimes...don't tell!

6.  i'm actually really good with numbers.  even though my career choice is more on the creative side, i'm really very analytical. i can see a number and memorize it almost instantly. i actually have one of my credit card #s memorized.  i'm really good at math.  on standardized tests, my best score is always on the math section. hmm, maybe i should have thought about this.

7.  my secret dream is to be a supermodel and has been since i was a little girl, it's actually the only career goal i can remember consistently dreaming about growing up.  silly, i know as i'm only 5 ft tall.  but i keep thinking if i just get skinny enough, maybe tyra (as in banks) will give me a chance on antm.  after all a "full-figured" girl just won, why not a 5 ft girl, i'm really good in heels! oh & eva longoria is only 5'2" and she modeled...there's hope!

hmm...i don't have anyone to tag, both my blogger friends have already filled this out, so if you read this and want to make one of your own, go for it!  leave me a comment so i can read yours!

today is a flats kind of day

very flat.  i'm feeling especially sad and depressed today.  i'm also a bit leery about posting this openly online, but really i think only beka and erin read this so i'm probably okay :)

i think the bad day started at 4:30 in the morning when my smoke alarm decided to randomly start yelling in the way smoke alarms do.  well i have little knowledge of smoke detectors and consequently after an hour of fiddling with the damn thing, it's lying on my dresser.

then i have to go to work, at the place that i loathe, and make a measly $35... pathetic.  i get off around 4:15 in the afternoon, and i'm supposed to go see amanda.  she was in a car wreck yesterday and has broke her foot.  however, for some selfish reason (tired from work, go run, eat dinner, blah blah), i don't go. so sorry amanda :(

not even the run today can make me feel better.  then amber and i go to the mall and raye calls me to do her a favor b/c her internet is broken; i'm supposed to call her when i get home.  and what do i do? forget to call...bad friend act number two for the day. so sorry raye :(

what is going on with me?  i'm not a selfish person, why am i behaving like one lately? and on a side note, i usually have a lot of will power for dieting, but these days, i want to eat everything in site and i do; another reason to be sad- my growing waistline. 

and another thing, why can i not get a job?? for that matter, why can i not get a freaking interview! am i destined to work at chili's forever.  holy cow the thought of that literally just made my eyes well up with tears. i don't think i can put into words how i feel today, actually, maybe i can...hopeless.

sorry, i'm negative nancy...had to get it off my chest.

is this what i have to look forward to this summer??

fashion people, why oh why are you doing this to us?? okay, i've seen these on a lot of a-list celebrities and no offense to anyone who is into this type of shoe, but why? 

they are hideous! first of all, rule number one in making your legs look longer is no strap around the ankle, now you're gonna go ahead and make a shoe with two straps!  and not to mention, there's no heel on these ugly things!

seriously, let's leave the gladiator shoes to the gladiators. but, if you're into this sort of thing, here's where you can find them...ugly gladiator shoes link

steve, as in steve madden, i'm very disappointed.

run, courtney, run!

i was reading women's health the other day and came across a little blurb for this nike women's marathon. how fun to go to san fran to run a marathon, well i think i would shoot for the half marathon first! the best part is they are giving away tiffany & co. necklaces for the finishers!! so fun, who's with me?

a bag with a big message

look what i found at walmart tonight! i've heard about these reusable shopping bags and have decided they are a great idea. this is walmarts version and they are only $1. i bought two. although, i'm not real sure how i feel about walmart charging for the bag you carry your groceries in, but i think the idea is outstanding and am glad walmart has jumped on the wagon.

one problem, though...there aren't many times when i get out of walmart with only two bags so i'm not real sure how that's going to work! oh and, how bout remembering to take them with me! i can't even remember my shopping list, let alone bags to carry my not yet bought goodies.

none-the-less i'm going green...well trying anyway!

a new me

a new me. that's what i'm going for anyway. my legs hate me right now. amber and i have taken up running, well jogging, okay maybe a pace slightly faster than walking.

anyway, i am doing this in an attempt to lose weight (duh!) and get in better health. i stepped on my scale the other day (i had been using amber's and turns out, it is very misleading!) and to my surprise i saw that scary number and it meant that i have gained nearly 10 lbs, 9 to be exact, since last summer! ok, total panic. for those of you that love me and continue to tell my that you can't tell, thank you for being really good liars :)

i am also attempting to quit smoking...again. i know, i know i've said this a hundred times, but if i don't keep trying then i'll never succeed, so ya'll doubters out there just keep your mouth shut! and smoking does not go to well with running so for my lungs sake i believe it's time.

poor matt, love of my life, has taken the brunt of my nicotine withdrawal! yesterday, i snapped on him :( we were talking about his plans of camping with friends for this weekend and i interpreted as he didn't want me to be a part of them! so in my lack of nicotine state i was pretty heated and hurt. after lots of talking and explaining my feelings and what he really meant all is better now, i know he really did want me to be there! and to make matter's worse, after my big fit, turns out i can't go anyway, guess i just wanted him to want me to go...girls, we are so silly! i love you peanut!

one of the hostesses at chili's also got the brunt of my lack of nicotine today. but i'm still not too remorseful for this one, she was overstepping her boundaries! i simply asked her to talk into her little headset and ask the busser to bus my table. well, she had the nerve to tell me i needed to clear the plates first. excuse me?!? who the ef are you? so, i proceeded to clear my plates and then i marched up to her and told her it was NOT her job to tell me to clear plates and if she new better, she would have known that i did pre-bus that table...sheesh, that's what busser's get paid for anyway!

in conclusion, for those of you who see me in the next few days, please know, if i snap on you i am truly sorry and i am on my way to recovery. i'm just not very tolerable at the moment :)

a happy time

little gracie is here, well now she's a week old. i'm a little behind :)  she's beautiful, she's perfect, and she's precious!  i feel so blessed to know beka and chris and now their wonderful little saving grace. 

the days surrounding gracie's birth were so incredible to me.  the night before erin, candace, and i washed beka's hair (in the sink) because she just didn't think she could do it herself :)  on gracie's birthday after an epidural beka decided she needed her make-up done so erin and i were to the rescue!  same with the day after gracie was born.  however, i am happy to report beka is now able to do her own make-up now!

beka, erin, and i were so close in college and you always hope that things will never change, but sadly a lot of times they do.  i love that we don't have to worry about that!  to be able to experience the birth of your best friends first baby is amazing and i am so grateful to beka and chris for wanting me there (or at least acting like they did!)

i thank God for you girls and love you so much!

thanks to that little red nissan

so driving back from okc yesterday in my (well mine temporarily) ugly, white, non-tinted chevy malibou i have a lot of time to do some thinking. really my only option since all of my cd's were left in my jeep and the radio is highly lacking in good music these days.

while i am highly pissed at the injustice done to me by this little red nissan, one positive thing dawns on me as a result of living through the accident. let me back up, i don't think i was near death and i didn't see my life flash before me or any of that nonsense.  however, it is very real to me that had i not slowed down before i hit that wall i very easily could have been sent flying, literally and metaphorically speaking.

scary to think, but i wasn't sent flying. and as my mom would say, God was with me.  this can only lead me to believe that i'm not done here on this earth.  there is some purpose here that i have yet to fulfill.  relief.

concrete doesn't move

tuesday, april 15.  approximately 4:15 in the afternoon.

what a beautiful day.  driving down the interstate wearing my new pink shorts, thanks to my freshly shaved legs, window half-way down, my new cd playing loudly over the sound of the warm wind swirling through my car.  the highways is busy and we are all at a cruising speed of just over 60 mph.  i'm on my way to okc and looking forward to the next 3 hours.  i've always loved driving, just me, the road, and the radio.  my best ideas come when i'm driving.  

i do my usual glancing around the road looking at all the cars traveling the same path. suddenly there is this small red car in the lane next to me and just about half a cars length in front of me moving over into my lane.  let me re-phrase actually the nose of their car is in my lane and if i don't do something the nose of my car will be in the driver's seat of their car.  so i swerve left, hard, too hard.  holy cow, there's a concrete barrier getting closer and closer, so i turn right, and at this point i realize i've lost control and half to straighten up and stop.  swerve back left again, crap i can't straighten up i've just got to stop! one more time to the right and again to the left, well piss that dang wall is getting closer.  and then, i realize, the only way to end this madness is to hit the wall, literally.  and boy did i.  4000 dollars worth of concrete wall damage to my little jeep.  and that little red car, turns out is a little red nissan and they fled the scene.

there is good news i'm okay and there was a good samaritan. apparently a truck and it's driver (shane) saw the whole thing and chased the car down.  actually got them to pull over, some asian lady (i guess not aware of how to "drive friendly, the texas way").  he attempted to get her to follow her back to the scene but she got away and shane only got 3 of the digits of the license plate. when he got back to where i was, the cops were already gone and no police report was written which means no ticket for me, so we (me and my parents) decided to let it go and let my insurance take care of it all.  

while i don't wish harm on this little red nissan i do hope they feel bad, really bad.  driving hasn't been the same since, it's not nearly as enjoyable.